The demon in my soul
by RidiculouslyOverObsessed
Summary: "He's with me constantly, my only companion in this psychotic world in which I inhabit." We take a look into the things that crafted one of the most inspiring characters. What made him into the monster he is today? Can he ever rid himself if his inner demon? What did he do that drove him so insane?- COMPLETE- NOW WITH SEQUEL.
1. Chapter 1

Got to run. Got to go faster. Got to get away. Can't go back. Only forwards I've gone too far this time. I didn't... I didn't mean to kill him. Just meant to hurt him. Just had to make him stop. Stop hurting her.  
>I stop behind a dustbin in an alley way, side aching from a stitch, breath coming in short gasps. One thought. One heart stopping, gut wrenching, game changing thought.<p>

_**'DID HE DESERVE IT?'  
><strong>_

After everything he'd done surely he deserved it? Surely he had it coming? If not by my hand then someone else's? I mean, its not like it's the first time he'd tried to kill her. He'd already finished the other one off. He was a murderer. He deserved to die. His death was justice to those he had hurt, to those he had killed.

So why did she cry when she'd realized he was dead? When she knew she was rid of that monster? When she drove me out because I'd killed the one person that she loved. All I could think was _'what about me? Don't you love me?' _Maybe I scared her? When I knelt in a pool of his blood, drinking it , laughing manically. Maybe she thought the same as everyone else. That I was a freak. Or was it the fact that I had ENJOYED his death? Enjoyed feeling his life ebb away between my fingers, seeing his pain filled eyes go blank, hearing his last breath leave his body, being surrounded by the intoxicating smell of his blood and the TASTE of his blood, bitter sweet like revenge. Revenge. Can't she see that's what this is. Revenge for them.

As I sat there regaining the ability to breath normally again, my twisted thoughts whirled in my head like ballerinas rehearsing for Swan Lake. Then one definitive idea. The demon in me awoke taking what little humanity remained in my soul and locking it in a chest deep in the darkest corner of my mind. _'BLOOD, BLOOD. GET MORE BLOOD. KILL SOMEONE ELSE. ENJOY THEIR DEATH JUST LIKE YOU ENJOYED HIS AGAIN, AGAIN, DO IT AGAIN!'_the demonic voice whispered in my ear, '_BECOME A CREATURE OF THE NIGHT! LURK IN THE SHADOWS, PREY ON THE WEAK. LET BLOOD BECOME YOUR ADDICTION, THE REASON THAT YOU LIVE AND BREATH. AFTER ALL WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE TO LIVE FOR?'  
><em>"Nothing." I answered the voice in my soul "I have nothing left to live for except blood." A demonic grin crept across my face as I let the demon possess my thoughts and my soul, _'GOOD. THEN LET US GO. LET US LIVE LIFE IN THE SHADOWS FOREVER MORE.'_

From that day on I became the killer my demonic soul wished me to be. He became my companion, the nameless voice that controlled my life. I left behind my old life and took to the shadows. Took on a new name and became one of the most famous serial killers of all time. At least until Kira came along. With his magical ability to kill serious offenders with heart attacks anywhere in the world just by knowing their name and face. I was grateful for my new name and elusive nature. It meant I could keep on killing without having to look over my shoulder for Kira. I was caught eventually. Handed over to the one person in my demonic existence that meant anything to me. The woman that I loved, that I fought day and night with my demonic soul to convince him not to make me kill her. She betrayed me but I still love her. I still feel incomplete without her. Naomi Misora, my one and only love.

* * *

><p>I slowly work on a plan to escape and regain my love. Meanwhile I have to sit in a cell and wait for the 'psychiatrist' Matt. At least that's what he claims his name is. It's really Mail Jeevas. I can see it floating around above his head along with his death date 'January 26th 2010'. Don't ask me how I know. I think it's one of His powers. To see the real name and death date of every human He comes into contact with. The cell door opens and in he walks, smoking as per usual. I'm convinced his nicotine addiction is the reason behind his early demise. He'll only be about 19. Though I sympathise with the guy I really do. I know what it's like to be addicted to something. Although the situations behind our addictions are completely different.<p>

Mail's is due to his troubled childhood. Mum died shortly after he was born. Dad blamed him, abused him, you know the usual sob story. Mail lost himself in his smoking. He claims it made him feel better, helped him cope. He finally got away from his dad at the age of 13, (he'd been smoking for 3 years prior to this). His dad had come home pissed out of his head, called Mail a bunch of abusive names, grabbed a knife and stabbed him repeatedly in the stomach before leaving him to die bleeding onto the white shag rug. If it wasn't for Watari (Quillish Wammy, founder and head of the orphanage Wammy's house. More on that later.) who'd apparently come to the house in order to look into other reports of child abuse at the house, Mail wouldn't be hear talking to me. _'WHAT A SHAME. IF THE OLD GEEZER HAD ARRIVED THERE A BIT LATER WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO SIT HERE LISTENING TO HIM POURING HIS HEART OUT!' _he muttered as Mail told his story. At the time I couldn't prevent the snort of laughter that came out of my mouth at the comment, which of course you can imagine Mail took completely the wrong way. The look of fury that appeared on his face caused me to laugh harder.

Our relationship has been rather... strained since that incident. Matt is Wammy's House's number 3. Hard to believe that an orphanage for gifted children counts this idiot as their third smartest kid I know. Basically Wammy's has this system where the worlds greatest detective L... _'YEAH THAT BASTARD THAT LOCKED US UP WHO WAS WORKING WITH THAT STUPID SLUT YOU INSISTED WE KEPT ALIVE!' _Shut up. I'm explaining something, and Naomi isn't a slut. She would never deliberately sell us out, she's waiting for us to return. She... she loves me. Anyway the orphanage, under the alibi of an 'orphanage for gifted children', trains orphans to be L's replacement ready to take over in case of L's death , or if he has too many cases going at once. The original generation was ranked from A-Z, A being the immediate successor; Z being the last minute cop out. When I was at Wammy's I was ranked B and my best friend Alex was A. _'HE WAS A GREAT GUY WASN'T HE. IT'S A REAL SHAME HE'S NOT AROUND ANYMORE.' _I smile softly at the thought of my lost friend. My thoughts shift to the day when I first arrived at Wammy's.

* * *

><p>I was cowering behind the dustbin wondering where I was going to live now. I couldn't go home, so where was I going to go? Suddenly I could hear footsteps. My heart started beating so hard I could hardly breathe. I wanted to get up and run but something held me to the spot. Him. <em>'ANOTHER PERSON. KILL HIM. BEGIN YOUR LIFE IN THE NIGHT NOW.' <em>That's when he appeared. L. Long, shaggy, black hair similar to my own, deep black eyes the sort that bore into your very soul and a hunched posture. He wore a long sleeved white top and worn blue jeans, feet clumsily stuffed into a pair of old trainers.

"Hello..." he said a confused look on his face. I opened my mouth to reply but no sound came out. "Why are you behind the bin?". No reply. "Do you have any family?" I shook my head slowly then looked at my feet. They were black from running with no shoes on. "Come with me. I know somewhere you can go." I looked at the stranger in bewilderment. My instincts told me to run. I had always been taught not to trust strangers, but for some reason I felt compelled to trust him. It felt as if I'd known him my entire life. I got up shakily and walked over to the tall man.

"My name is L. What's your's?" I paused. I knew I had to change my name. If he knew my real name he might take me back home. "BB. It stands for... Beyond Birthday. What does L stand for?"  
>"I'm afraid I can't tell you yet Beyond. But as soon as you're ready you will know."With that he turned, beckoning me to follow. I stumbled after after him, confused by the riddle he had just given me.<p>

_'WHAT ARE YOU DOING? KILL HIM!'_

_'No. I won't become a killer. I won't submit to your rule.'_

_'BB-'_

_'No more. You won't control me anymore.'_

_'YOU CAN'T RID YOURSELF OF ME! I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE IN THE VERY DEPTHS OF YOUR SOUL, WATCHING, WAITING; AND WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT I'LL CLAIM YOU FOR MY OWN. BE ON YOUR GUARD BB.'_

* * *

><p><span><strong>AN: ****Okay new fanfic. I know I have other things to be writing but I wanted to give you this so I hope you enjoyed. I'm currently consulting my friends to come up with a plotline for the next chapter. Hopefully it'll be up soon.**

**LYH**


	2. Chapter 2

I followed the stranger through the dirty streets growing more and more conscious about the lack of shoes as I stubbed my toe on stones and stumbled over curbs. Finally, after what seemed like hours of walking, we arrived at the top of a long, worn, winding drive surrounded by evergreen and oak trees, a site in its self as oak trees where, and still are, a scarce site in the UK, especially in London. The entrance to the drive was blocked by a large, gold-coloured iron gate, and attached to the sign post was a well polished golden plate reading: 'Wammy's House. Orphanage for Gifted Children.'

"Where are we? Why have you brought me here L?"

"This is my home Beyond. You claimed that you have no family, which makes you an orphan, correct?"

"Yes…"

"Well then this your home now to."

"B…but I'm not gifted L. I have no special talent." L bent down to my level and looked me straight in the eyes, with those deep, soulless eyes. I felt like I was falling through an abyss just looking at them.

"You do have a talent BB, you just haven't found it yet. That's what this orphanage does. It helps you discover your hidden talents. Trust me. You'll find one BB. Everyone here does eventually."

I nodded and followed L as he unlocked the gate and walked down the drive. After another five minutes of walking, we arrived outside a huge mansion that looked as if it had been stood there for hundreds of years and yet looked brand new at the same time.

The mansion was as puzzling as the man who was leading me into it. Something wasn't sitting right. Just who was this L? What did he want with a street rat, who'd just fled his home after killing his own… no. He didn't know about that. Not yet anyway.

"Is this the place?"

"Yes. This is Wammy's house. Come. I'll take you to meet Roger."

A roll of thunder crashed over head, and lightning began to dance through the oak trees, illuminating a clock tower. At the time, I had no idea how significant that place would be to me. All the fun. All the laughter. The night I lost my best, and only, friend. All these events were yet to come.

I followed L, confused. Who was this Roger?

The hall was spacious and well lit. A set of stairs ran up the left wall and a corridor stretched out to the right, doors leading to different rooms evenly spaced down it. The red carpet reminded me of the blood that had soaked my hands a few hours before.

'_YEAH TELL THAT STORY THIS ONE'S BORING.'_

Not yet. I'll tell it when I'm ready.

'_AW. COME ON B, PLEASE!'_

DON'T CALL ME B!

'_OOOOH! SOMEONE'S TOUCHY TODAY! THAT TIME OF THE MONTH IS IT?'_

SHUT UP!

'_GEEZ. SORRY BB. I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU. I WAS ONLY TEASING.'_

I know. I'm sorry. You know I don't like being called B.

'_SORRY DUDE. DIDN'T DO IT TO BE MEAN.'_

It's okay. Anyway, where was I. Oh yeah. Meeting Roger.

"Follow me BB. I'll take you to Roger's office. It's this way." I stumbled after L, fatigue taking its toll on me now the adrenaline had gone. I hadn't realised how tired I was. We stopped outside a door and L knocked softly.

"Come in," said a voice from the other side of the door. L frowned slightly.

"Watari, is that you?" he said, pushing the door open.

The office was spacious, with a book case along each wall. A desk sat in the middle, with two old men sat either side of it. The rounder of the two looked round at L and smiled, "Yes L. I came to see you."

Watari (as dubbed by L) stood up and walked over to L. A smile worked its way onto the, until now, emotionless face of L. "It's good to see you Watari. How have you been?"

"Fine, thank you. Who's your friend?"

All three sets of eyes turned to me. "This is BB. I found him behind a dustbin on my way back here."

"What were you doing behind the dustbin young man?" asked Watari

"I- I- I was looking for food sir." I stammered. I couldn't tell him the real reason I was behind the dustbin.

"Well then, it's a good job L found you." The other old man behind the desk spoke up. I presumed this was Roger.

"Is there room for him here?" L asked.

"Yes. He'll share with Alex. But first let's get some food into him. He looks so thin."

After about an hour of cramming my face with as much food as I could, I was led from the office by Roger. We went up the stairs and along a long corridor, identical to the one downstairs. When we reached the end of the corridor Roger opened the door. I looked around. There were two beds. Sat on one with a torch in one hand and a book on his lap was a boy with sandy brown hair. He looked up, startled at the interruption.

"Sorry Roger, I know its way past lights out, but I got so into this book and-"

Roger held up his hand to stop the boy. "It's okay Alex. I'll let it slip this time. You have a new room-mate. This is BB." Alex's grey eyes turned to me. He carefully folded over the corner of the page and closed his book. He got up and came over to me. He stuck out his hand and said, "Nice to meet you BB. The name's Alex. You wanna be friends?" I smiled at Alex and shook his hand. "Yes."

"Good. Would have been kinda awkward if you'd said no, what with us sharing a room and all… follow me. I'll show you where to put your things."

"I- I don't have anything except the clothes I'm wearing."

"Oh, well nevermind. I'm sure we can fix that, right Roger?"

"I'll take you both shopping tomorrow. In the meantime, Alex, can you lend him some pajamas?

"Sure! Batman or Spiderman?"

"Spiderman. I prefer Marvel to DC."

"Good choice! I have a feeling we'll get on well, you and I!"

Roger chuckled softly and closed the door behind him as he left. "I wonder… could he take the role as B?" He shook his head and walked down the corridor. "I hate kids. Now I've got to take two of them shopping."

**A/N: ****That's it! Poor Roger. Don't forget to review.**


	3. Chapter 3

That was it for the next ten years. Alex and I grew incredibly close after that first night.

I was prone to night terrors at first. Those nights were the hardest. I used to wake, screaming and crying, and Alex would silently get up, walk over and sit on the edge of my bed, rubbing my back. He never judged. He never asked questions. He just rubbed my back until I calmed down and then went back to his own bed.

As I adjusted to life at Wammy's the night terrors lessened, until I didn't suffer from them anymore. By day I began to study, catching up on all the stuff I'd missed as a kid and slowly but surely surpassed the other eight year olds in my class.

After six months I'd moved onto the work Alex was doing (the secondary school level work, like Shakespeare and all that). It was tough at first, but Alex helped me with the things I struggled with, (like ratios. I mean what even is that?), and eventually I was almost on par with him.

Life was bliss. We studied by day, and read and played by night. We would often be up until the early hours of the morning playing 'Super Paper Mario.' The older we grew, the closer we got. Then, one day it all changed. Alex withdrew into himself. He wouldn't speak to me. He just there, a blank expression on his face. I never knew what the matter was, and it was ALL HIS FAULT. IT WAS HIS FAULT HE NEVER GOT TO TELL HER HE LOVED HER. IT WAS HIS FAULT I LOST MY BEST FRIEND.

* * *

><p>We were called into Roger's office at about 3 o'clock. We just presumed it was about staying up past lights out. It wouldn't be the first time we'd been called to his office for that reason. Roger hated kids, and as a result enforced very strict rules as to what we kids could and couldn't do. Reading after lights out was Rule Two Hundred and Thirty Two. It was only when we arrived, that we realised something was amiss. Casa, the only female remotely approachable in the whole orphanage, stood waiting outside as well. I'm not saying she was my friend, she just didn't seem as bothered by me as other people. We had a mutual tolerance for each other.<p>

It was different with the Alex though. The two got on like a house on fire. They would spend lessons passing notes to each other and smiling softly at each other across the classroom. I had a feeling that what they felt for each other was more than friendship. There was something else there. An emotion I had never been able to understand or feel, and had never been given to me. Love.

"Still carrying round that stupid Spidey bag?" Casa asked raising her eyebrows and smirking at Alex. There it was. The one thing they could never agree on. Which was better. Marvel or DC. I laughed softly and lent against the wall as they argued the merits of both comics.

Suddenly, the door opened, and the debate ceased immediately. Stood in the doorway, dressed in the same clothes that he had worn the night he found me, was L. My jaw dropped. L never came to Wammy's. There had to be something very important going on to bring him all the way over here.

"Ah. You're here. Come in."

We followed L inside Roger's office. He gestured to three seats and we sat down, opposite to the large desk that usually had Roger sat behind it. Instead L got up onto the chair and squatted on the chair, similar to the way I was sitting on mine.

"I have called you three here to discuss a very important matter. As you know, I work as the greatest detective in the world. This is not a boast, this is purely fact."

We smirked at the last sentence.

"In the event of my death I would need someone to fill my place. That's where you three come in."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying L?" Alex said, looking shocked and voicing the question we were all thinking.

"Yes. You three, Wammy's House's best and brightest, will be my successors. Alex you will be known as Alternative and will be the first to inherit my name, Beyond you shall be know as Backup and will be the second to inherit my name and Casa you will be know as Copy and will be the third to inherit my name. You are dismissed."

"WHAT? JUST LIKE THAT? NO EXPLANATION OR ANYTHING? JUST 'RIGHT YOU GUYS ARE MY HEIRS THAT'S ALL FOLKS SEE YOU IN ANOTHER 10 YEARS SO I CAN DROP ANOTHER BOMBSHELL ON YOUR LIVES TA TA!' " I had never seen Alex so angry.

"Yes that is all. Oh and also, if your standards slip below the required mark I'll disinherit you. Well then off you go to lessons. Oh and Alex..."

Alex spun round furiously and glared at the insomniac.

"WHAT?"

"Don't slam the door on your way out."

Alex's eyes seemed to spew fire as he looked away from the detective and stormed out, closely followed by Casa and I, and slammed the door deliberately.

* * *

><p>After that meeting Alex grew distant. He didn't talk to me and kept is head down in lessons. The only person he would talk to was Casa. I tried confronting him about it one night, but he just said "Leave it Backup. It's nothing."<p>

I was hurt and confused. We'd made a pact when we came out of the office after our meeting with L, that we would never call each other by the names that L had given us. So was Alex calling me 'Backup'.

_YOU KNOW WHY BB. HE WAS..._

Yeah, I know I know, but they don't. I'm building up the tension. It's called good story telling.

_OH RIGHT. SORRY CONTINUE OH MIGHTY STORY TELLER_

Thank you.

* * *

><p>After the 'Backup' incident, Alex and I stopped speaking to each other. We grew distant and everyday I missed his presence. The nightly debates. The reading. The gaming. All gone. Thanks to L. I began to resent the man that had taken me from the streets and given me a home. The resentment turned into hatred on that night. The night I lost Alex forever.<p>

_YOU'RE REALLY GONNA TELL 'EM THE WHOLE STORY?_

Yeah why not? Who are they gonna tell?

_FAIR ENOUGH._

* * *

><p>I walked into Alex's and my bedroom, after what had felt like the longest Latin lesson of my life. I longed to discuss the events of the lesson with Alex, but I knew that ship had sailed over two months ago. As I slumped onto my bed, I spotted a folded piece of paper on the bed. I picked up and unfolded it. My heart thudded in my chest as I read the note on my bed. I racked my brain, trying to figure out where he'd gone I had to stop him. It couldn't end like this.<em><br>_

A thought struck me as the clock chimed eleven. The clock tower! He'd planned to confess his love to Casa at midnight by the light of the full moon, (according to Casa anyway. I have no way of knowing whether or not this is true. But I have to say that the full moon was pretty breathtaking.) I couldn't help envying Casa. She was about to enter a state of friendship I could never have with Alex.

I raced up the stairs, adrenaline and panic driving me on-wards. I had to get to him. I had stop doing this. I emerged on the roof-top balcony breathing hard, scanning the scene in an attempt to spot my suicidal friend.

"ALEX! ALEX WHERE ARE YOU?" I yelled, hoping for a response.

"BB? Is that you?" I spun round trying to spot the voice's source. It seemed to be coming from above me . I looked up and my breath caught in my throat. Alex was stood above me on the thin ledge in front of the clock face.

"ALEX WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?"

"Didn't you read my note?"

"OF COURSE I DID! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M HERE?"

"Then you know what I'm doing here."

"BUT... but what about Casa?"

Alex looked away, his eyes filled with tears.

"And what about me? You're the only friend I've ever had..."

"I thought you hated me after I called you Backup."

"I could never hate you Alex. Why don't you come down? We can sort this together."

"I'm sorry BB..."

With that, he let himself fall from the ledge. Time seemed to freeze in that single moment. I couldn't move. I just watched as my friend fell from the roof. My legs moved of their own accord. I ran towards Alex in what felt like slow motion. I watched as his face contorted in fear as he rushed through the cold night air. Without willing it to, my hand reached for his, attempting to stop him falling, rescue him from his impending doom. I grasped for his fingers, time flowing painfully slowly. my hands found his wrist and I gripped it hard.

"I've got you Alex. I'm never letting you go again,"

Time seemed to speed up to its normal pace again as I attempted to pull Alex back onto the roof. It took an age. Alex was heavier than he looked and it took all my strength to pull him upwards. Then he slipped through my grip. I panicked, scrabbling for his fingers. I caught him at the last moment and managed to pull him back onto the roof.

I lay there panting heavily, trying to catch my breath. Suddenly, Alex grabbed hold of the front of my shirt and yanked me to my feet. I was held there, in front of his face, for several moments before the argument began.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?"

"Wh... what?"

"YOU KNOW I WANTED TO DO THAT!"

"But... but..."

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO INTEFERE? REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME? YOU KILLED A MAN!"

I snapped at this moment I had told him this in the strictest confidence and here he was throwing it back in my face.

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME! YOU WEREN'T THERE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I INTERFERED! DON'T PRETEND THAT THIS EVENT IS THE SAME AS THAT ONE!"

I tugged my self free of his grasp and glared at him.

"I SAVED YOUR LIFE! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME? YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL?"

"WHY? BECAUSE YOU STOPPED ME FROM GETTING OUT OF THIS STUPID RANKING SYSTEM WITHOUT HAVING TO FAIL ALL MY EXAMS DELIBARTLY! I TRIED THAT! IT DIDN'T WORK!"

"FOR GODS SAKE ALEX! YOU INVITED CASA UP HERE TONIGHT! SHE THINKS YOU'RE FINALLY GONNA CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS FOR HER! SO WHAT... YOU WERE JUST GONNA THROW YOURSELF OFF THE ROOF AND LET HER FIND YOUR MANGLED BODY? HOW MUCH OF A PRICK ARE YOU?"

With that I shoved him hard. He stumbled and fell. But not onto the roof. I'd forgotten that the edge of the balcony was just behind him. The last thing I saw was his shocked face as he rushed towards the ground. I raced forward to catch him but it was too late. He hit the ground with a dull thud, his neck and left leg in the wrong positions. He was dead.

"BB! What have you done?"

A voice came from behind me and I spun quickly just as the clock struck twelve.

_'TICK TOCK CINDERS! THE PRINCE IS DEAD AND HIS BRIDE HAS COME TO VIST? YOU'VE REALLY FUCKED THINGS UP THIS TIME BB! HYUK HYUK!'_


	4. Chapter 4

"It... It's not what it looks like!"

"OH REALLY? SO YOU DIDN'T JUST PUSH ALEX OFF THE ROOF?"

"Well yeah but..."

"BUT NOTHING! YOU THINK THERE'S AN EXCUSE FOR WHAT YOU JUST DID?"

"No but..."

"NO BLOODY BUTS."

"Casa he..."

"NO! DON'T EVEN ATTEMPT TO EXPLAIN THIS!"

"He was gonna jump! I saved his life!"

"FUNNY LIFE-SAVING!"

"Not then! Before! He jumped off the clock tower!"

"Wha... what?"

"The pressure of being first in line to L's legacy was too much. He wanted out. He jumped and I caught him..."

"SO WHAT HAPPENED? DID YOU JUST CHANGE YOUR MIND OR SOMETHING?"

"No. It was an accident. I got angry. He tried to use my past against me and I... and I... and I killed him!"

I collapsed in a heap, shoulders shaking, tears blurring my vision.

Casa walked over to me, tears streaming down her own face. She sat next to my sniveling form and attempted to pull me into a hug.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! I'M A MONSTER!"

"You're not a monster BB. It was an accident. You never meant for it to happen."

She repeated it over and over, as if trying to convince herself as well me. I let her pull me into her arms and rock me gently back and forth, as I sobbed into her chest. She stroked my hair and whispered calmly in my ear, just like my mother used to. I found myself lost in old memories.

Happy memories. Memories of holidays and birthdays. Easters and Christmases. Mother's days, Father's days. I was lost in a whirl of happy memories of happiness that was shattered by the one memory I had been trying to bury for years. The memory of THAT night. The night I killed my own brother.

* * *

><p><em>WOW. YOU'RE REALLY GONNA GO THERE?<em>

Yeah. Why not?

_NO REASON. JUST CURIOUS, I MEAN THE EVENT DID RUIN YOUR MENTAL STABILITY. AND LEAD TO A LOT OF WIERDNESS. AND DROVE YOU TO PUSHING ALEX OFF THE ROOF AND KILLING..._

I think you've said enough now, don't you?

_ARE YOU SUBTLY HINTING THAT I SHOULDN'T TELL THEM ABOUT THAT YET?_

Yes.

_RIGHT JUST THOUGHT I'D CHECK. _

Alright then. Lets get back to the subject at hand.

* * *

><p><em>I stood shaking against the wall, my knees knocking together in fright. He moved towards me, the knife gripped tightly in his hand. Helen lay bleeding on the floor, her life slowly slipping away.<em>

_"B- B- Be-" she tried to gasp out my name, "Run... leave me... get out... be- before it's... too... too... late..."_

_Those were the last words my sister ever said to me. She died trying to save ME. It was MY fault she was dead. I watched as the light faded from her eyes._

_"HELEN!" I screamed. I wanted to go to her. I wanted to hold in my arms and tell her I was sorry. I wanted to apologise for the things I'd said and done. But it was too late I'd lost her. I'd lost my best friend, my confident, my sister and now her killer was headed towards me, aiming to lead me to the same fate._

_"Jake please... please don't do this.. you don't have to do this... end it now.."_

_"Give me one good reason why not... just one and I'll let you go free... come on I'm waiting! I'll count to five. ONE."_

_"Er... well..."_

_"TWO."_

_"Jake..."_

_"THREE."_

_"Well because..."_

_"FOUR."_

_"If you would just..."_

_"FIVE. See? Not one good reason. Not a single one; and here was me thinking you were the brains of the family. Tut tut B. You'll have to better than that next time. OH WAIT!" _

_He threw his head back and laughed hysterically, almost like Satan himself. The very sound of it caused my legs to turn to jelly, and I collapsed to the floor, unable to take my eyes off my insane brother as he came closer and closer a demon-like smirk smeared across his face._

_"There won't be a next time though, will there B? Hold tight. This will only hurt a lot!"_

_With that he lunged towards me, knife aimed at my stomach._

* * *

><p><em>IS THAT ALL YOU'RE GIVING THEM?<em>

Yeah. I can't tell them the rest yet. I'm not ready.

_YOU'RE AN EVIL MAN BB._

I know.

* * *

><p>I was jerked from my terror filled thoughts by Casa as she gently pulled me to my feet.<p>

"We need to go and get Alex's body before the adults find him. If they do then they'll tell L and he'll figure out you did it. You know what he's like."

I nodded fearfully, not daring to think of the consequences that would occur if L figured out it was me.

We raced down the stairs, which an hour ago I had raced up to save my friend. Now I was racing down them to recover his lifeless form. I had failed Alex. He was dead because of me. I felt a fresh wave of tears building up, but I pushed them back. I could finish mourning later. Right now I had to lay Alex to rest.

"AND WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING RUNNING AROUND AFTER LIGHTS OUT?"

We spun round startled by the voice coming from behind us. We came face to face with a very angry Rodger, who stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyebrows knitting together in the middle of his forehead.

"WELL?"

I looked at Casa, desperately trying to think of an excuse. She gave me an agonized look before turning to face Rodger again._  
><em>

"We... we were looking for Alex."

"OH REALLY? SO WHERE IS HE NOW? WHAT, IS HE HIDING BEHIND YOU OR SOMETHING?"

Tears began to well up in my eyes and there was nothing I could do to stop them coming. I collapsed to my knees and buried my face in my hands.

"Alex..."

Casa swallowed hard, trying to hold back her own,

"Alex is... Alex is dead, Rodger. He... he threw himself off the clock tow-"

Casa was unable to finish her sentence. She broke down, all the strong resolve that I'd seen five minutes before poured out, along with her tears. Even Rodger seemed to be resisting the urge to cry.

"Where's... where's the body?"

"Out-out-outside the so-south entran-ce." Casa choked through her tears.

Rodger cleared his throat and walked slowly over to us. He squatted down and placed one hand on Casa's shoulder, the other on mine.

"Come. Let's go get the body so we can mourn his death properly."

I looked into Rodger's eyes and nodded softly. He gave me a small smile and we slowly got to our feet.

"You coming Casa?" I sniffed, looking at the grieving brunette. She lifted her head and her icy blue eyes were filled with pain.

"No... I don't think I could bear it. Go on without me. I'll be in my room if you need me."

"Casa..."

"GO BB! She gave me a small smile. "I'll be fine. Just go."

I gave her a worried glance, then nodded and headed off, leading Rodger to the corpse of my only friend.

* * *

><p>Nothing could have prepared me for the sight that met my eyes. Alex lay in a crumpled heap on the neatly trimmed lawn. His once sparkling grey eyes were dull and lifeless. His sandy brown hair was wind-ruffled and is head appeared to be stuck on the wrong way round. His arms and legs were disjointed and his mouth was twisted into into an evil grin. He seemed almost akin to a demon. He looked like Jake had when he died. When I killed him as-well. Now, I'd done it again. I'd killed someone else due to my anger. It was my fault they were dead. I was a murderer.<p>

"My God... what drove him to do this?" Rodger gasped.

"L... L DROVE HIM TO DO THIS! HE'S THE REASON ALEX IS DEAD!"

"I don't under-"

A wave of anger surged through me.

"OF COURSE YOU DON'T! YOU SUPPORTED L'S DECISION TO TRAIN US AS HEIRS TO HIS DAMN TITLE! THE PRESSURE WAS TOO MUCH FOR ALEX AND HE THREW HIMSELF OFF THE FUCKING CLOCK TOWER! I WATCHED MY FRIEND KILL HIMSELF BECAUSE OF THAT BASTARD!"

"Backup..."

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME BACKUP! YOU LOST THE RIGHT TO CALL ME THAT WHEN ALEX KILLED HIMSELF!"

"Calm down BB..."

"CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? ARE YOU SHITTING ME? MY BEST FRIEND HAS JUST KILLED HIMSELF AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN? THE NOB-HEAD THAT YOU WORSHIP LIKE SOME KIND OF **GOD **IS GOING TO REPLACE HIM WITHOUT BATTING AN EYELID AND YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN?"

"What's all this noise about Backup?"

I stiffened. That voice. How dare he call me Backup. How dare he show his face here after what he did to Alex. Who the HELL did he think was. The ruddy DALAI LAMA?

"YOU?"

"Me?" L looked at me puzzled.

"YES, YOU, YOU... YOU... YOU ASSHOLE!"

I charged at L, hands reaching for his throat. I was going to kill him. I was going to make im pay for what he'd done to Alex, for what he'd done to me, what he'd done to Casa. He was going to die for what he'd done.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Okay guys, I've got some bad news (or good news, though if it's good news you're a terrible person!). I'm having to put all my stories on hiatus due to all my mocks (I counted, there's FIFTEEN OF THEM! I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?) and the mountain of revision that's resulted from them. But I'm not going to leave you high and dry! That's right! You lucky people get a PREVIEW! I bet you're so EXCITED right? So without further ado, the preview for Chapter 5! YAAAAAAAAY!**

* * *

><p>"You've no idea what you've done to me and my friends, DO YOU?" I screamed at the hunch-backed, emotionless, insomniac detective. He stood there watching calmly. Why wasn't he reacting? Was he really so cruel and heartless that he could just stare at Alex's dead body and not even flinch? He truly was the monster that everyone said he was. I couldn't believe I'd been defending him all this time. I'd been such a fool. Deluded by the image of the man who'd rescued me from the point of starvation ten years before. Now I was paying the price for my idiocy.<p>

* * *

><p>He moved quicker than my eyes could follow. He moved sideways and grabbed the back of my shirt in one smooth movement. I was plucked from the ground with ease and hurled back towards Alex. I jumped up ready to launch myself at L again, when Rodger pinned my arms behind my back,<p>

"LET ME GO! HE DESERVES TO DIE! HE'S THE REASON ALEX IS DEAD! ALEX KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF HIM! IT'S HIS FAULT!"

"Beyond this isn't what Alex would have wanted..."

"HOW DARE YOU PRETEND YOU KNOW HOW ALEX FEELS! YOU DON'T KNOW HIM! YOU DON'T KNOW ANY OF US! YOU HATE KIDS! YOU COULDN'T BE LESS INTERESTED IN US!"

"That's uncalled for..."

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

* * *

><p>I stood looking at the coffin that held my friend. Casa stood next to me gripping my hand tight. I could still see the scars on her wrist from last week. I shuddered at the memory. I couldn't believe she'd done that... not Casa of all people. She was the strongest person I'd ever known. Now she was an emotional wreck. L had destroyed us all. He'd killed Alex, driven me to to point of insanity and caused Casa to self-harming. I HATED him.<p>

* * *

><p><em>BB? YOU OKAY? YOUR EYES ARE LEAKING!<em>

Yeah I'm fine it's just... hard y'know? The night after was... well you know... awful... coz I-I killed her...

_IN SELF DEFENCE!_

That's irrelevant... I still killed her... why does everyone I love die by my hands?

_'COZ YOU'RE A CRAZED LUNATIC WITH A MURDEROUS ALTER EGO?_

Not helping...

_SORRY._

* * *

><p>She lay dying in my arms. "Casa, don't leave me... please Casa... I-I need you!"<p>

"That's rich, considering you just stabbed me!"

"It was an accident! I didn't mean to! I was just-"

"Protecting yourself? Like you did when you pushed Alex off the roof?"

"Is that what this was about? You said you'd forgiven me!"

"Ha, get real BACKUP! You killed the guy I loved and you think I could just forgive you for that so easily?"

"But-"

Casa grunted in pain, and looked into my eyes one last time.

"See you in hell BB..." and with that she was gone.

* * *

><p><strong><span> AN: Well I successfully managed to waste an hour... better get back to this mountain of revision I have *sigh*. I should be updating at some point in May, then going on hiatus again while I prepare for my actual GCSEs. I'm really sorry for the inconvenience! I'd also like to thank my new beta (yeah I totally have one of those now!) Spamano Love Child for her help with both my chapter and keeping me sane (and hope she's feeling much better very soon!), as well as my two constant reviewers and best friends Kymothy and Check it Bonsly for their assistance in my writing. Well I'd better go. My maths revision is waiting D'X**

**LYH **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:**** Okay so I lied. I need to put this up. I might even update the others as well while I'm here. Mum says I'm 'over-revising' if that's actually possible... so here you go! The actual chapter! YAY!**

* * *

><p>"You've no idea what you've done to me and my friends, DO YOU?" I screamed at the hunch-backed, emotionless, insomniac detective. He stood there watching calmly. Why wasn't he reacting? Was he really so cruel and heartless that he could just stare at Alex's dead body and not even flinch? He truly was the monster that everyone said he was. I couldn't believe I'd been defending him all this time. I'd been such a fool. Deluded by the image of the man who'd rescued me from the point of starvation ten years before. Now I was paying the price for my idiocy.<p>

L cocked his head to one side, "I'm afraid I don't follow Backup."

"YOU SHIT-FACE! CAN'T YOU SEE HIS DEAD BODY? YOUR **PRECIOUS** ALTERNATIVE!"

"Oh. So that's what that is..."

"THAT? THAT? **THAT** IS A HUMAN BEING! **THAT** IS MY BEST FRIEND! **THAT** USED TO BE YOUR HEIR! OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ALREADY?"

"No. Backup, you mustn't blame me for this."

"GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY NOT!"

I had reached L and lunged for his throat. He moved quicker than my eyes could follow. He moved sideways and grabbed the back of my shirt in one smooth movement. I was plucked from the ground with ease and hurled back towards Alex's body. I jumped up, ready to launch myself at L again, when Rodger pinned my arms behind my back.

"LET ME GO! HE DESERVES TO DIE! HE'S THE REASON ALEX IS DEAD! ALEX KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF HIM! IT'S HIS FAULT!"

"Beyond, this isn't what Alex would have wanted..."

"HOW DARE YOU PRETEND YOU KNOW HOW ALEX FEELS! YOU DON'T KNOW HIM! YOU DON'T KNOW ANY OF US! YOU HATE KIDS! YOU COULDN'T BE LESS INTERESTED IN US!"

"That's uncalled for..."

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT ALEX WAS TO ME! HE FILLED A GAP IN ME THAT NO-ONE ELSE COULD! AND NOW HE'S GONE! I'VE GOT NO-ONE ELSE! I'M **ALONE!**"

"You're not alone BB, you have Casa..."

"Casa? Where is she?" asked L.

"In her room. She couldn't handle seeing Alex's body."

"Are you sure you should be leaving her alone in her current state?"

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?"

"I'm saying we need to check on her. NOW."

"MY GOD! ARE YOU SAYING THAT-"

"Yes."

A feeling of dread filled my stomach and raged like a forest fire inside me. I stood there, her last words rolling on loop inside my head: '_Go on without me. I'll be in my room if you need me.' _I couldn't imagine someone as strong willed as Casa doing what L was suggesting. No. Casa was stronger then that, wasn't she?

'_ARE YOU WILLING TO LEAVE IT TO CHANCE?'_

I stood there shaking. "Casa... just hold on... don't do anything stupid... I'm coming!"

"Come Backup. Let's go check on Copy."

"STOP IT! STOP USING THOSE NAMES! THEY WILL ONLY BRING ABOUT MORE DEATH AND DEVASTATION! PLEASE!"

"Okay BB. I will refrain from using those names for now."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

I nodded at the detective before turning and running to Casa's room. '_P__lease be okay Casa.'_

* * *

><p>"CASA!" I screamed as I raced up the stairs and reached her room. I banged on the door frantically.<p>

"CASA LET ME IN!"

I rattled the door handle, trying to get in. It was blocked by something from the inside.

'_THAT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN'_

'_Shut up!' _I thought. "CASA CAN YOU HEAR ME? PLEASE LET ME IN! PLEASE CASA!"

L appeared behind me.

"Is the door locked?" he asked, a trace of panic in his voice. I nodded furiously, "Then we may already be too late... Casa? This is L. I need you to open the door for me. Casa?"

No sound came from the other side of the door. The panic began to build inside me, like a pot ready to boil over. The air seemed as thick as syrup. My head swam and I had to grip my knees hard to stop myself throwing up. This couldn't be happening. Not to Casa.

"BB, I need you to pull yourself together. I'm going to break the door down. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded, gulping air in, trying to catch my breath. L squared up the door and landed a high kick just above the door handle. The wood splintered and L examined the door again.

"Almost there. One more kick should do it..."

"Wait!"

"What BB?"

"What do we do once we get in there?"

"Well... I guess we find Casa and see if she needs medical aid..."

"But what if... what if she's... dead?"

"I don't know... let's not think about that now. Let's just get this door open."

I nodded and stood back as L gave the door another kick. The door gave way around the handle and L forced the door open with his shoulder. I scanned the room in a panic, looking for Casa. Then I saw her. Curled in the corner of her room, next to her dresser, wrists soaked in blood.

"CASA!"

"B-B- is- that- you?" she stammered.

"Yes Casa it's me!" I raced over to her. "What have you done Casa?"

"I just wanted... to be... with... Alex."

"Oh Casa... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." I pulled Casa close and held her tight. L came over and put his hand on my shoulder.

"We need to get her to the hospital wing now BB."

"Casa, can you stand?"

"I- I think- so."

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

Casa leant against me, and we walked slowly down to the hospital wing. When we got there she was immediately taken from me and put onto a bed, before being whisked into theater. A lone tear fell down my cheek as I realised what I'd done to my friends.

"Come BB, we must move Alex's body inside and make funeral arrangements."

"Fine. You do that. I'm going to wait for my friend to recover."

"But..."

"No L. I'm not seven years old anymore. I'm seventeen. Just let me deal with this my own way."

"Okay. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Don't bother."

L looked at me, shock in his eyes. I presumed he'd never been rejected like that before. I turned my back on him and sat down on a bench, waiting for Casa. L shrugged and walked off.

"Suit yourself then."

* * *

><p>I stood looking at the coffin that held my friend. Casa stood next to me gripping my hand tight. I could still see the scars on her wrist from last week. I shuddered at the memory. I couldn't believe she'd done that... not Casa of all people. She was the strongest person I'd ever known. Now she was an emotional wreck. L had destroyed us all. He'd killed Alex, driven me to to point of insanity and caused Casa to start self-harming. I HATED him. Anger raged inside me, trying to find an exit. I swallowed hard and suppressed the rage inside me.<p>

I watched as child after child lay a lily in his coffin. Then it was my turn. As Alex's best friend I as expected to make a speech or something. I walked up to Alex's coffin and looked down at him. They'd managed to get rid of the demon-like grin off his face. He just looked peaceful. There was a lump in my throat as I started to speak.

"Alex was my best friend. I've never had a friend like him. Mind you, I'd never had friends before. When I first arrived at Wammy's I was half starved. I was fed and taken upstairs and, I have to admit I was a little nervous. I'd been living rough for ages and had no human contact as a result. When I was introduced to Alex, he went above and beyond my expectations. He was kind, he was funny and he had the most AMAZING comic book collection!"

I paused as laughter rippled through the listening crowd.

"Alex was like a brother to me. When I woke up from nightmares he'd sit with me, watching, waiting, comforting, just like the big brother I'd needed since I'd lost mine three months prior to coming to Wammy's. But I'm not the only kid sitting here tonight that Alex has helped. I can't see a single face in this room that hasn't received help from Alex at one point or another. Tall or short, young or old, Alex was always willing to help anyone and everyone that asked no matter what the task."

A murmur of agreement spread through the crowd, and I took a moment to collect my thoughts.

"I shouldn't be stood here before you tonight. Alex shouldn't be dead now. The world has a wicked way of taking those that mean the most to you in all the world and ripping them from your life. It takes what little light you have in your life and snuffs it out and you're left alone in the dark. I loved Alex with every fibre of my being and now he's gone. My world is plunged into darkness and there is nothing I can do about it. Or so I thought. Then I remembered; there is one person that still provides light in my life because she shares the same grief I do. I don't know what I'd do without her right now. A light from both of our lives has gone and all we have is each other."

A single tear trailed down my cheek as I stepped down from the podium and went back to the pew. I leant against Casa and sobbed as the coffin bearers closed the lid, then lifted and carried Alex's body from the church to be buried in the park, near our favorite meeting spot next to the river bank.

* * *

><p><em>BB? YOU OKAY? YOUR EYES ARE LEAKING!<em>

Yeah I'm fine it's just... hard y'know? The night after was... well you know... awful... coz I-I killed her...

_IN SELF DEFENSE!_

That's irrelevant... I still killed her... why does everyone I love die by my hands?

_'COZ YOU'RE A CRAZED LUNATIC WITH A MURDEROUS ALTER EGO?_

Not helping...

_SORRY._

* * *

><p>I was stood in the corner at the wake being told by seven different people all at the same time about 'how moving my speech was', 'how wonderful Alex was', 'how much they were gong to miss him' and all the other crap people spout at funerals. I pulled a face at Casa across the room, who sniggered, before walking over to me.<p>

"Hey BB, can I have a word?"

I shot Casa a grateful look and replied, as casually as I could,

"Yeah of course. I'm really sorry guys, you'll have to excuse me. I'll catch up with you later."

I followed as Casa led me down the corridor to her room.

"Casa you are a LIFESAVER! I don't know how much longer I could have stood there listening to those people go on and on. One of them asked if I was going to get off with you to 'ease my pain.'"

"What did you say?"

"No, of course! Alex was smitten with you. I wouldn't do that to him."

"What if I wanted you to?"

Casa stopped, turned around and began to walk slowly towards me.

"Erm... what?"

"What if I wanted you 'to get off with me to soothe your pain'?"

Casa placed her hands on my chest and curved them up behind my neck. I blushed furiously, becoming flustered.

"Just one kiss BB."

"What about Alex?"

"He's dead now. I want you. I've always wanted you Beyond. I was just using Alex to get to YOU."

"Casa..."

"Shhh..."

She placed a finger on my lips and leant forward so that our foreheads touched. I looked deep into her icy blue eyes, and seemed to lose myself in her. Then it began. Before I could fully comprehend what was happening, Casa pulled me into her room and began to kiss me passionately. I returned the favour as we headed towards the bed. Then something happened. Casa reached behind her and pulled a glass shard from her jewellery box.

I only just managed to dodge out of the way as she slashed my arm. I grunted in pain and gripped my arm, trying to stop the bleeding.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"Just hold still BB. It'll all be over soon!"

"BUT YOU WERE JUST KISSING ME!"

"Oh come on BB. Did you really think I'd go for you? You're supposed to be the smart one!"

"But I don't under-"

"Figure it out then!"

My mind raced as Casa lunged for me again. I dodged out of the way, narrowly avoiding being blinded. I couldn't figure it out. Why was she trying to kill me? What had I done to her? My mind flashed to that night on the roof as I tried to track back through the events of the last week. Then it clicked. That's why she was trying to kill me; I hadn't let her die.

She raced at me again, aiming for my abdomen. I dodged swiftly and grabbed her arm.

"Stop Casa. Killing me won't stop anything."

"Oh really?"

Casa twisted her arm, trying to break free from my grip.

"Let go BB."

"Not until you drop the shard."

"No chance."

She grinned psychotically at me.

"I'm gonna kill you BB. There's nothing you can do about it. Just accept it and be a good boy by holding still and letting go of me."

"No."

"What did you say?"

"I said no, Casa."

"Fine. I'll have to make you then."

She yanked her arm back violently, wrenching it out of my grip. She turned on me and curved the shard up towards my neck. I grabbed her arm again and twisted it so that she dropped the shard. I snatched the shard from the floor before she could grab it herself. Furious, she charged at me. I had no chance to move the shard and she impaled herself on it, causing a fatal injury to her abdomen. Her eyes widened in shock and she fell limp in my arms. I gently lowered her to the ground as she lay dying in my arms.

"Casa, don't leave me... please Casa... I-I need you!"

"That's rich, considering you just stabbed me!"

"It was an accident! I didn't mean to! I was just-"

"Protecting yourself? Like you did when you pushed Alex off the roof?"

"Is that what this was about? You said you'd forgiven me!"

"Ha, get real BACKUP! You killed the guy I loved and you think I could just forgive you for that so easily?"

"But-"

Casa grunted in pain, and looked into my eyes one last time.

"See you in hell BB..." and with that she was gone.

**A/N:**** DUN, DUN, DUN! God that was rough wasn't it? (Well I thought so anyway!) Right so that's done then. I think I have one, maybe two more chapters to write left now. But I might write a sequel though I'm not sure yet. Let's just see how this one goes eh? I'd like to thank my beta Spamano Love Child for looking this over me (glad you're feeling better!). I won't be doing anything with regards to fanfiction now from the 29th April to the 9th May Due to exams and other commitments... woop de do! Apologies for any inconvenience.**

**LYH**


	7. Chapter 7

"No... Casa... please... I'm sorry Casa... please don't leave me."

I shook her gently.

"Come on Casa... I need you..."

I shook her harder, even though I knew it was futile. I'd lost her. I'd killed her with my own to hands. What kind of a friend was I? She was suffering and instead of trying to help her I killed her. I was a monster and Casa knew it. That's why she'd tried to stop me, to put an end to my brutality before I harmed anyone else; I'd proven her right. I didn't deserve to live. I looked at the glass shard sticking out of Casa's stomach. It would be so easy to end everything right here, right now. I gently began to prise the shard from her stomach. That's what I'd do. End it all. Leave all of this misery behind. Exterminate the vermin. Execute the criminal. Kill the baddie. That's what happens in the books anyway. The monster dies and the hero succeeds; though this time there'd be no hero as such. All the main characters would die and that would be it. The end. A pretty sucky ending, but the end none the less.

I had managed to slide the shard out of Casa abdomen. I held it up to the light and watched as it glinted in the artificial light of Casa's Hulk lamp, which Alex had gotten three years ago on a whim. Could such a small, insignificant fragment really halt something as complex as life? It seemed impossible. I was alerted form my state of delirium by the sound of thundering footsteps. Alarmed I looked around and caught sight of a pale, ashen haired teen, her mouth open in an 'O' but no sound coming out. Ha she screamed? Had I been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I hadn't heard her? My heart began to flutter in my chest. L was sure to find me here. He'd frame me and I'd go to jail for this. I'd lose all ties and inheritance to his name. I'd be a disgrace to Wammy's House. I couldn't stay here. I had to leave now, before it was too late. Then it struck me. Why should I care about my tiesto Whammy's House? After everything that had happened over the last few... days? Weeks? Months? I'd become so wrapped up in this state of delirium that I didn't know how long it'd been since... Alan? No that wasn't right. Adam? No. I couldn't remember the name of my own best friend. What kind of a person did that make me?

I had to decide quickly. Stay and spend the rest of my life in jail or go, and live out the rest of my life as I pleased. It was a no brainer. I turned and hurried from the scene, running as fast as I could to the one place that I knew they'd never find me.

Home.

* * *

><p>I hadn't even reached the front door before I realised something was amiss. It had been unusually cold all night, despite it being the hight of summer, but apon approach I felt icy cold from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. There was an unsetteling uneasiness in the pit of my stomach, though I couldn't figure out why that was.<p>

It's not as though I was expecting a warm welcome. Last time they'd seen me, I was running away, covered in blood.

I stood there shaking, trying to supress memories that I'd buried deep in the depths of my twisted mind.

_'HE DESERVED IT BB. YOU KNOW HE DID.'_

'But what if he didn't what if we really had ruined his life?'

_'HE WAS A DRUGGIE THROUGH HIS OWN SELFISH CHOICES. YOU CAN'T BLAME YOURSELF FOR THAT!'_

'But-'

_'BEYOND HE KILLED YOUR SISTER!'_

'You don't have to remind me...'

_'NO YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS!'_

'Stop. Just stop. I don't want to think about it.'

_'FINE. SUIT YOURSELF. WHY ARE YOU HERE ANYWAY?'_

'I don't know. I just followed my instinct.'

_'YOU HAVE A REALLY SUCKY INSTINCT!'_

'Quite possibly. Now pipe down. I can't concentrate with you waffling on about feelings and all that sappy shit.'

I edged forwards down the front path, my hands shaking. A lump formed in my throat and I felt naesous. He was right I should have listened to Him. I shouldn't be here.

_'TOO DAMN RIGHT YOU SHOULD!'_

'Go away!" I thought furiously. 'Let me do this alone.'

_'ALRIGHT, OKAY! KEEP YOUR HAIR ON!'_

I had reached the front door by this point. If I had been paying attention I would have noticed the pair of eyes, watching hatefully from the window. If I had it might have spared me the pain of reliving my worst, most terrifying nightmares. The one event in my disturbed past that I'd hiddden from everyone except Alex for the last ten years.

* * *

><p><em>I dodged nimbly out of the way.<em>

_"Please stop Jake! Why are you doing this?"_

_"Because, brother dearest, you ruined my life."_

_"What?"_

_"All of you! You ruined everything! YOU drove me to the drugs! YOU made me lose my job! YOU stole Alison from me! It's all down to you. You're the reason i'm the monster I've become!"_

* * *

><p>I shook my head, vigorously trying to drive the memories from my mind. I wasn't ready to relive that yet. I highly doubted I ever would. I rummaged in my pocket for the key that I'd been keeping hold of, just in case a moment like this arose. I clumsily rattled the key in the lock, to no avail. It stayed firmly shut.<p>

"Of course it won't work," I muttered to myself, "They've probably changed the locks since Jake forced it open."

I stood there, pondering what to do next. I glanced through the window. There didn't appear to be any lights on inside, suggesting there was nobody in. I turned around, beginning to head back down the path, when the door opened behind me.

"Is that you B?"

I winced as I heard her voice.

"Please don't call me that. I hate that name."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just can't believe that your here after all this time. I've missed you so much. My little baby Ben."

I turned round to face the woman who had used my real name. It had been a decade since someone called me Ben. She had long ebony hair that reached her waist and startling sapphire eyes that contrasted her hair. She had my nose, or rather I had her's. I began to forgot the trauma of the last fortnight, lost in warm and happy memories.

"I'm home Mum... I'm finally home..."

Tears began to fall from my cheeks in a torrent as my mother held out her arms for me. I ran up to her, and she pulled me into a tight embrace. Everything seemed perfect again. I had a home. I had a Mum. A small hole that had been so deep for so long was suddenly filled and I felt almost peaceful.

Until my mother whispered something in my ear. Something that brought back that icy cold feeling of dread. Two words that would ruin everything all over again. Two words that brought my universe crashing down around me. Two words I'd prayed every night never to hear in the same sentence.

"Jake's alive."

I went weak at my knees. I broke from the embrace sharply and stared deep into her eyes. The more I looked the easier it was to tell how scared she was. My mother was never scared. Never. Not even the scariest roller coasters or the biggest spiders. I grabbed hold of the doorway in an attempt to stay upright as the memories consumed me again.

* * *

><p><em>"I didn't STEAL Alison from you!" I cried in defiance.<em>

_"Don't deny it Ben! You've been waiting for your opportunity to swipe in and take her from me since the first time you clapped eyes on her!"_

_"For God's sake Jake! Do you really think I'd stoop so low? If I remember correctly that's YOUR trick!"_

_Anger blazed like wildfire in Jake's golden eyes and he lashed out with the knife again. I narrowly dodged out of the way, my terror and adrenaline fueling my instincts, keeping me alive._

* * *

><p>I shook my head furiously again, determined to permanently dislodge them from my memory bank. I raised my hand and pinched the bridge of my nose hard.<p>

"No... it can't be... I-I felt him die in my arms." I muttered, shaking uncontrollably,

"He was the reason I left in the first place. I thought- I thought I'd killed him. Alison hated me because of it."

"Oh Ben, you can't be so hard on yourself. He killed Helen remember?"

"How the hell did he survive?"

"Alison saved him. She managed to stop the bleeding before the ambulance arrived."

"Where is she now?"

Mum averted her gaze to the floor and began nudging a stone with her slippered foot.

"No..." I moaned.

"I tried to stop him." she said so quietly I had to strain to hear her. "That's how I got this."

Sliding her hair back from her the side of her face, she revealed a long, red, jagged scar reaching from the corner of her eye to her chin. the crude stiching indicated it had been a home job. I slid a shaky finger down the scar feeling my icy fear turn to burning rage. She was his MOTHER! How dare he do this to her! I pushed past her, digging in my pocket for the glass shard that seemed to hum in my hand, desperate to taste blood again tonight.

"Ben what are you doing? Ben? BEN!"

I ignored her and threw open the living room door. There, a Satan-like grin on his face, sat my brother.

"Well, well little Ben... what a lovely surprise this is! How long has it been since you skewered me like a shish kebab? Ah yes ten years. Ten years and not even a postcard?"

"I thought you were dead, why the hell would I send you a postcard?"

I could barely contain the hatred that threatened to consume me.

"Ah Mummy-dearest why don't you get little Ben and I a drink to toast our little... reunion?"

Terrified, my mother nodded and scampered out off the room, trying to hold back tears. She knew. We all did. One or both of us was going to end up dead that night.

"Why did you do it?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"You'll have to be a LITTLE more specific than that!"

"Why did you kill Alison?"

The grin dropped from his as it hardened with rage.

"She betrayed me."

"She saved your LIFE!"

"She left me for YOU! I wouldn't have minded if it I had been anyone else! But it was YOU! My younger, scrawnier, uglier brother!"

"Well maybe if you had at least PRETENDED to care about her!"

"I CARED ABOUT HER MORE THAN ANYTHING OR ANYONE ELSE!"

"LIKE HELL YOU DID! YOU WERE FAR MORE OBSESSED WITH GETTING YOUR NEXT HIGH!"

_'OOH BUUUURN!'_

'Shut up!'

_'SORRY...'_

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"HOW DARE I! HOW DARE YOU STAND THERE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD FOR TEN WHOLE YEARS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW GUILTY I FELT?"

"OH BOO HOO! POOR LITTLE BEN! HAVING TO SPEND YEARS CRYING OVER KILLING HIS OWN BROTHER!"

_'HE HAS A POINT!'_

'ONE MORE OUTBURST FROM YOU AND I SWEAR TO GOD-!'

_'GEEZ SORRY JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD!'_

'WELL DON'T!'

We stood facing each other fists clenched, eyes burning like suns, mouths twisted in rage. It was only a matter of time before one of us snapped. Before one of us ended up dead.

Mum stumbled back through the door, the tray with the cups on shaking horribly. First thing's first. I had to get Mum out of there. I couldn't bare the thought of her getting caught in the middle of all this.

"Mum, take yourself upstairs, pack a bag go to a friends. Just get of here."

"But Ben-"

"But nothing. Go. I don't want you to get hurt."

My mother looked at me, pleading with me not to make her do this.

"GO!"

She gave me one last desperate look before running from the room, tears in her eyes. I watched with a heavy heart. It wasn't fair . She didn't deserve this.

"Why did you come back?"

I turned to face Jake, my anger slowly building again.

"What does it matter?"

"Just curious. The life you've been living must have been good , otherwise you would have come back earlier. So, what made you leave?"

"Like I'm gonna tell you."

"Fine. Suit yourself."

He walked calmly towards the tray and picked up a glass. Raising it to his lips, he never took his eyes off me for a second. He surveyed me like a predator surveys it's prey, watching, waiting, picking the right time to pounce, poised for the kill.

I heard a key scrape in the lock, breaking the spell that Jake had over me. I turned to see who was coming, in time to see them walk through the door. my breath caught in my throat. A flash of auburn hair. Violet eyes that sparkled in the dim light. The soft smile on her face. I had to be dreaming. It couldn't be her. After all, I'd been told she was dead.

"Alison?"

Her head jolted upwards in surprise. She dropped her keys on the floor and stared at me, dumbfounded.

"B-Ben?"

I walked towards her, my knees knocking together, my hand outstretched. I could hardly believe it. My sweet Alison. The one person in this rotten world that wasn't corrupted. The love of my life had returned to me and the world seemed right again.

Then something went wrong. Alison whimpered and began to back away from me. I stopped in my tracks, confused. What was going on? Why was she looking at me like that?

Jake let out a snort of laughter at my bewilderment. He sauntered past me and went to Alison. He put his arms around her and pulled her in close, muttering softly in her ear. Alison shook gently in his arms, her fear- filled eyes fixed on me.

No. This couldn't be happening. How could she go back to him after everything he'd done? What did she see in him? What a manipulative piece of shit!

_'KILL HIM BB. FINISH IT OFF PROPERLY THIS TIME. KILL THEM ALL. THEY'VE ALL BETRAYED YOU. GO.'_

'Give me a hand will you?'

_'WAIT... LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU WANT ME TO TAKE OVER YOUR CONCONCISE?'_

'Yes.'

_'YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THERE'S NO GOING BACK FROM THIS?'_

I swallowed hard.

'Yes.'

_'AW HELL YEAH!'_

With that, I let myself be taken over by the demon. I gripped the glass shard tightly and lunged towards Jake. The shard found its target and plunged deep into the side of my monstrous brother's neck. Jake yelped in surprise and scrambled madly at the fragment, dropping to his knees, blood welling up in his mouth as he choked to death. Alison let out a blood-curdling scream as I yanked the shard out of Jake's neck and plunged it deep into her stomach. Her eyes widened with shock and fear and she collapsed, falling against my brother, clutching at the fatal wound in a desperate attempt to stay alive but to no avail. I sat silently and watched as the light of life faded from the violet eyes that I had loved so dearly. Yet, I felt nothing. No grief. No remorse. Justt pure, unadulterated delight. This felt so good! Why had I put this off for so long?

"Ben... what have you done?"

I spun round, a sardonic grin on my face.

"Oh hello there mummy dear. Come to join them have you?"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. In fact, I've never been better!"

I yanked the shard from Alison's stomach and began to edge towards her.

"Ben?"

"Yes?"

"Wh-what are you are doing?"

"Are you really that stupid Mum?"

"Ben please!"

"Shush now mother dearest it'll all be over soon."

"B don't do this!"

"DON'T. CALL. ME. B."

I slashed the shard across her throat, putting and end to her life there and then. The blood spurted out of the cut, splattering my face. It was the equivalent of a splash of cold water in the way it jolted me back to reality. I watched as my Mum collapsed to the ground like a tonne of bricks.

"Mum... Mum no... MUM!"

_'WE NEED TO DO THAT MORE OFTEN!'_

'No. Never again.'

_'HEY REMEMBER WHAT I SAID? THERE'S NO GOING BACK FROM HERE!'_

'I don't want to kill anyone else! These people had their whole lives in front of them! Who am I to play God with these lives?'

_'I CAN FIX THAT.'_

'What? How?'

_'I CAN GIVE YOU THE EYES.'_

'Eyes?'

_'THEY ALLOW YOU TO SEE THE NAME AND DEATH DATES OF EVERYONE AND ANYONE. THAT WAY YOU CAN ONLY KILL THOSE WHO ARE AT THEIR TIME AS IT WERE.'_

'... Okay then. Go for it.'

_'ALRIGHT!'_

A red flash appeared in front of my eyes and everything appeared in red.

_'TA DA!'_

'That's it?'

_'WELL... YEAH.'_

I sighed.

'You have a lot to learn about showmanship my friend. Come on let's get going. We can't stay here.'

_'THE BOY WITH THE DEMON IN HIS SOUL SETTING OFF INTO THE BIG WIDE WORLD. SOMEONE SHOULD RIGHT A BOOK ABOUT THAT!'_

I laughed lightly, getting up and leaving my past behind.

* * *

><p>So that's it. You all probably know the rest. Beyond Birthday. The infamous killer from the LABB murder cases, who killed and mutilated three victims before trying to kill himself. The man who almost bested L. The murderer Kira cannot kill. Quite the legacy I have huh?<p>

_I THINK THE PHRASE BLOWING SMOKED UP YOUR OWN ARSE IS APPROPRIATE HERE?_

Okay; but seriously, who else can say they came within touching distance of besting L?

_UMM, KIRA?_

Oh shut up! He doesn't count!

_WHY NOT?_

Because he's nothing more than a quick thinking serial killer!

_LIKE YOU?_

No I'm completely different to Kira!

_GO ON THEN ENLIGHTEN ME TO HOW 'COMPLETELY DIFFERENT' YOU ARE_

Special powers. You know. The eyes?

_SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND KIRA IS THAT YOU KNOW THE NAME AND DEATH DATES OF ALL YOUR VICTIMS? 'COZ I'M PREETY SURE KIRA KNOWS THAT TOO!_

Oh just... argh! You're so annoying!

_WHAT BECAUSE I'M RIGHT?_

Before I can think of something smart or coy to say in response, the rusted door of my cell screams in agony as it's yanked open. I look up and stare bewilderingly at the jaded old man illuminated in the door way.

"Watari?"

"Hello Beyond. It's been a while hasn't it?"

His face is kind but no smile is present on his face.

"What are doing here Watari?" I question, wanting him to get straight to the point so I can finish my argument.

"I'm afraid I don't come bearing good news BB. It's about Naomi."

I sit up quickly, panic rising in my chest.

"We received the information yesterday. Naomi's dead BB."

Confusion swarms through my head like a swarm of bees. Bewildered, I shake my head slowly.

"No. There's been some kind of mistake."

"I'm afraid not. I confirmed it this morning.I'm so sorry BB. Naomi really is dead. She commited suicide shortly after the death or her fiancé, Raye Penber, was killed by Kira."

I grip the edge of my bed, trying to reason with myself. She can't be dead. Watari was wrong. It had been a mistake. It was a just another way for L to play with my head. That was it. A mind game.

Watari squats down in front of me and places his hands on my shoulders.

"BB, I know this must be surreal for you but you have to believe me."

"Why?" I whisper softly.

"What?"

"Why should I believe you?"

I snap my head up, confusion turning into anger.

"After everything you've put me through, you expect me to just sit here and swallow this?"

"I know it's hard for you-"

"You've no IDEA how I feel! Not you, not Rodger, not even the MIGHTY L can even begin to comprehend how I'm feeling!"

"BB please-"

"NO! Don't you understand? Naomi was the last good thing I had in this world and now she's gone!"

"BB, we believe Naomi was killed by Kira."

"What?"

"You knew Naomi better than we did. Do you really think that she'd kill herself over something like this?"

I sit quietly, shocked at the this new revelation.

"No... no she was stronger than that."

A white hot rage begins to build up inside me again. Kira would pay for this. I'd rip hm limb from limb, slowl and torturously, to make him feel a fraction of the pain that I was feeling now.

"I want to join the Kira investigation team alongside L and bring down Kira."

Watari looked up at me in surprise.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my whole life."

_'THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET INTERESTING AGAIN AYY!'_

* * *

><p><span><strong>AN:**** Well that's it folks! The demon in my soul is finished. I might even write a sequel if you ask me nicely. Any questions you have about this story can be PMed. Leave me one last review will you? **


End file.
